Pizza Hut Plans to Change its Name to “Looks Like Pizza, Tastes Like Hut”

By Fionn mac Cumhaill

As the sale for the 68-year-old chain awaits its sale to private equity firm LongRange Capital for a mere $2.7 billion, they have decided to change their name to “Looks Like Pizza, Tastes Like Hut.”

The odd rebrand comes after years of declining sales and financial loss. The rumor was that NYC mayor Zohran Mamdani wanted to start giving it away for free, paid for by the taxes of wealthy New Yorkers but all the wealthy New York residents have fled the state and there is no one left to finance the operation.

One of the “Hut” faithful was heard to mutter, “We are so much better than Dominos.” He has since had his mouth washed out with “butter-flavored” liquid from a plastic squeeze bottle.

The question on everyone’s mind is, are chain pizza restaurants on the way out? Is the “hut” just the first one to take the fall?