On The Beat- Friday, April 17, 2026 - From Broadway to Biscayne Boulevard, from the Bird Streets to Euclid Avenue to Lark Street- Any Topic is Fair Game Until it is a Bore…

By Mr. Curmudgeon

In the Bahamas, photos of the 45-foot sailboat- American tourist Lynette Hooker was sailing on when she vanished, “The Soulmate, (the irony is not lost on us) have been revealed - but the real question is the 8-foot dingy yarn that left the Bahamian boaters scratching their heads. Along with the fact nobody nearby heard calls for help in calm waters on a calm evening. Obviously, if something sinister took place, the guilty were not familiar with sailing practices in the area and red flags are waving even in the calm Bahamian halcyon… Teenagers took over an intersection in Atlanta to do donuts. Several were presumably, I would expect, sprinkled with taser blasts by unimpressed members of law enforcement. Oh wait, it was all caught on camera?! I’ll make fresh popcorn… A doctor in Alabama has been indicted for removing the wrong organ during surgery leading to a man’s death… In Mississippi a woman was declared dead and sent to the Mississippi Organ Recovery Agency, to have her organs donated, where she lingered alive for 15-hours before officials realized and she was thence “saved by the proverbial bell”… Steven Spielberg claims new alien film is “closer to the truth” than fiction. And he knows this how? Has Spielberg been privy to some “special tour?” Can we at the Lampoon take this tour for research purposes? Or does Spielberg have actual alien DNA?… The Chicago Cubs, despite being last in the NL Central, looked great on offense and defense (particularly Nico Hoerner) against a struggling Mets team that might be better without their $900,000,000 man… “Super tall” towers to be built in Miami. Step aside Barad-dur… In college baseball, ETSU gave up a 7-1 lead in the top of the 7th to Citadel, dropping third straight 8-11… We present it, you decide…