Deshaun Watson Gives Back All His Guaranteed Money, and Applies to Be a Line Cook at the Frank’s Weiner Stand

By Fionn mac Cumhaill

Deshaun Watson was booed like a baby Wildebeest that escaped the jaws of bloodshot-eyed jackals. He gave a the weakest apology ever given in sports history to Browns fans he viciously verbally attacked before quickly checking his bank account on his phone. All that guaranteed money was still there.

Watson is arguably the worst quarterback to ever play for the Browns and fans who are used to being disappointed, have now had enough. $200 million and never even a third place finish under his lopsided leadership. They could have done better with Paris Hilton as the quarterback.

It is no secret that Watson has never been any good in the NFL and is maybe more suitable to sweeping up after the fry cooks at Frank’s.

When you are paid that many millions and then turn around and whine and cry about the fans, you deserve to be skewered. Luckily, the NFL is run by sketchy owners who have zero-moral compass and like to give their own kind breaks. Look at Michael Vick, for example, a bum who should be in prison yet was given a $100 million deal by the Philadelphia Eagles organization, hence my point.

Insiders tell me I was nearly spot on. Deshaun Watson has agreed to give back all his guaranteed money, and has applied to be a line cook at Frank’s Weiner Stand. “I don’t deserve all that money. Millions and millions of dollars and I have offered this world nothing of value. From now on, I will have to earn my money, save my money, and be a productive member of society. I will never be a cry baby again. From now on I will be a man. I will eat steak and get into bar fights and shoot whiskey shots and grow a belly. No more crying like a twelve-year old boy who thinks he’s a girl. No more green vegetables and low-calorie beer. Wealth made me soft. That will never happen again…because I will be a line cook at Frank’s Weiner Stand.”