California Soon to Force Large Companies to Disclose Their Employees’ Golf Handicaps

By Fionn mac Cumhaill

The state of California will soon force large companies to disclose their employees’ golf handicaps.

“This is absurd,” one executive said. “How is it their business what we shoot? How does it relate to business? These mud-sucking amoebas.”

“I don’t even play golf. What am I supposed to report?” Another employee said.

Officials have stated that those who aren’t regular golfers or who don’t play, the companies will have to estimate what their handicap might be.

“This is critical information,” California Officials said without going into anymore detail.

With all the problems in California such as high taxation, high rates of illegal migration, high cost of living (especially electricity and fuel prices), high crime rates, wild fires, severe limits to investor-owned utility wildfire liabilities, traffic problems, freshwater deficiency, housing shortages, homelessness, state budget deficits extending well into the future,  state revenue system heavily reliant on high income earners, heavy regulation that harms economic competitiveness, excessive use of toxic pesticides in commercial farming and wine making, etc., where do the golf handicaps fall into the ranking of importance?

This new reporting legislation is estimated to cost companies billions in labor and fines which in turn will impact the consumers with exorbitant price hikes.

Estimated Californians expected to flee the state is in the millions, only no state is welcoming them.

“Why should we want those creatures coming to our regions to wreck everything through their voting practices and criminality?” One East Tennessee resident said. Her sentiment was echoed in nearly every state except the Northeastern states, Virginia, Minnesota, Delaware, and Michigan.

The future of California is dim. I give it ten years at most before it is officially deemed a third-world country.