Weather Alert- Florida TV Networks Buy Pre-Packaged Hurricanes

By Fionn mac Cumhaill

Advertisers told South Flordia meterologists to get on board and start “getting some God dang views.” Generally, the weather report out of South Florida is fairly predictable: hot and potentially wet in the afternoon, or maybe all day, or maybe just hot as hell and humid as…”

Very little changes from day to day. Residents are used to stuffing a poncho in their pocket or sticking an umbrella in the car and ensuring their air-conditioning is functioning adequately and the rest can come out in the wash. That is unless there is an impending hurricane of category 5 intensity. Those are rare. They brings eyeballs to the television screens. They sell Ads. Therefore, any tropical storm on the radar is always a potential category 5, before a more realistic category 3 or 2, if admitted. 

Insiders claim that Florida news syndicates now buy hurricanes. A group of meteorological nerds figured out how to create them. “It’s like buying a burrito,” one geek who wished to remain anonymous said. “Category 4 and 5’s sell for top dollar during good market years. They are real expensive.”

This was somewhat disturbing news but the nerds clarified it for us.

“Money, man.”