The Wrigley Six Against the Penn State Nine - Fight Night- Betflix Special!

By Fionn mac Cumhaill

During the Crosstown Classic game at Wrigley Field, about six presumably grown men, full of overpriced beer and nachos, decided to participate in a melee which ended in arrests and one portly thug with a bloody lip. 575 miles away on the campus of Penn State, 9 or so students, alumni, and one lawyer father were arrested and charged with cocaine trafficking. They went so far as to make pledges intent on joining the frat cut and package the drugs for resale. Unforgivable behavior. These nerds will have to pay.

This whole thing is so bizarre. Fights at baseball fields, nerds slinging nose candy. What next? Free grocery stores for people too lazy to work? The world is going insane.

The Judges Association of America has decided that the threat of just prison time isn’t enough of a deterrent for the criminal element. Thus, a new strategy has been introduced. They say that history has a way of repeating itself. The Romans, maybe, weren’t so off base with their management of the vermin of society.

Therefore, an experiment will begin. Criminals will be placed against each other in gladiatorial matches. The winner gets a healthy prison sentence. The loser, death. There will be no referees, but God. Tickets for the events will go on sale as if it were a typical athletic event. The fights will also be streamed on the new streaming channel Betflix, where you can watch and bet at the same time.

All bet amounts, comments, and odds will be live throughout the event. The pilot event will be the Wrigley 6 against the Penn State 9. Critics argue that the criminals have rights, too. The judges, along with the law-abiding working world all laugh fitfully.