On The Beat- Tuesday, June 30, 2026 - From Broadway to Biscayne Boulevard, from the Bird Streets to Euclid Avenue to Lark Street- Any Topic is Fair Game Until it is a Bore…
By Mr. Curmudgeon
Apple stock drops 6% after the company announces they are going to raise prices. That along with changing their chargers with each new lousy phone leads disgruntled customers to local grocery stores to load up on rotten tomatoes. In two years SpaceX will topple Apple as the cell phone giant. As it says, directly quoted in the Bible itself, Luke 12:15: “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed such as Apple and Microsoft.” What?… Golden State Warriors land a record patch deal with, you said it, an AI-related company Iren who is the Norman Bates of the AI world, the builders of the controversial data centers that are leading residents in places like Altoona, Cleveland, Piketon, Abilene, Elk Grove Village and Mesa to pack town halls in a futile effort to protect their communities. Local politicians with greased palms tell them to pound sand. One day, hideous, windowless, sterile data centers will cover every spare 1/16 acre of land in the contiguous United States. Iren (formerly Iris Energy), will pay the Warriors $50 million per year to have their name on the jersey. Money is thrown around these days like wrinkled prom dresses… Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s wedding invites have reportedly all been asked to sign non-disclosure agreements. Is this a wedding or a white party?... The Yankees woes continue and the funny thing is that I was blacked out from watching the game on my phone because I wasn’t home. As if I actually wanted to watch them after the Boston fiasco. Why would I make an effort to watch them if they don’t make any effort to hit or pitch well? With a payroll north of $337 million, the only thing these players should be doing, from 9-5, is putting time in at the batting cage. No night clubbing. No spas. No Scores. No Dollhouses. No “King of Diamonds”. No Casa Cipriani. No Long Angle. No weekend trips to Paris. No Manhattan Motorcars. No “The General”. Just batting practice… Dave Portnoy went on Jesse Watters Primetime and said, “I would love to run against Mamdani.” You’d get our vote Dave. Even if you are a Red Sox fan. The team that wears green and yellow uniforms with the color “Red” in their name. That is a completely unrelated fact of this blurb that continues to baffle us at the Lampoon… Four Teslas are lit on fire at a Baltimore dealership. As if Elon, worth over a $1 trillion, hiccuped. The collective IQ of Tesla arsonists, stupid… The Devil Wears Prada turns 20. More like the devil wears a Golden State Warriors jersey. Womp, womp. Data centers are the future man. Live in the now… With the Semiquincentennial just around the corner, Chicago trauma units prepare for a record number of drive-by shootings… The word soccer is considered a dirty word and always associated with America. However, it was the Lobsterbacks that first created that filthy word. Students at Oxford in the 19th century thought it was “drip” to add -er after words. Breakfast was brekker, to wean your way off alcohol made you a weiner. The sport was an abbreviation of “Association” of Football, ergo, Asoc, which evolved into asoccer, to be hip to the times, and finally soccer. That there is some knowledge that will benefit you in no way in any pursuits you take in your life… LeBron James says he will continue his NBA career for another year, but tells the Lakers they can move on without him. Oh please don’t go to the Knicks… Does anyone else get that gonorrhea burn after being subjected to Youtube ads every 25.78 seconds?... We present it. You decide…