On The Beat- Saturday, March 28, 2026 - From Broadway to Biscayne Boulevard, from the Bird Streets to Euclid Avenue to Lark Street- Any Topic is Fair Game Until it is a Bore…
By Mr. Curmudgeon
UFOs/UAPs aren’t little green aliens flying in the sky, but demons (or fallen angels) from a dark realm dimension, Vice President JD Vance, said in a recent interview…I think the hair-metal band Poison would have agreed, “Win big, mama's fallen angel. Lose big, living out her lies. Wants it all, mama's fallen angel. Lose it all, rolling the dice of her life.”… US Airlines are permitted to remove passengers from flights for “bearbeating.” This is when an individual plays audio devices too loud without headphones. Men in skinny jeans and should also be thrown out onto the tarmac… A maniac is running around the streets of La Jolla, CA, purportedly poisoning trees to death in a bizarre blitzkrieg that has left residents bewildered and terrified for the wellbeing of their own flora… Taco Bell is looking to shake things up including either adding the Kickin’ Chicken Taco popular in Thailand or the Butter Chicken Taco from India to the regular Taco Bell menu. According to Canadian Digestive Health Foundation, those are two of the Top 10 Travel Destinations with a High Risk of Diarrhea. The company is leaving it up to the public to decide which nation’s taco to include… therefore bypassing a massive class-action lawsuit. “You all chose it! Not us!”… The finalists for the northern Ohio cheesecake contest mentioned the other day, are as follows:
Messy Aprons (Strongsville): Highly regarded for varied, customizable, and mini cheesecakes.
Momma's Cheesecake Kitchen: Recognized as a top 10 finalist in the 2026 Northeast Ohio contest.
Cheesecake By Battle (Massillon): Known as a premier bakery for cheesecake enthusiasts.
Sophie La Gourmande (Cleveland Heights): Also nominated as a top 10 destination.
Those bakery names are like four listings from the top ten list of raunchiest porn films of the 1980’s. The outright winner is yet to be determined. If this contest was based on the best name of a cheesecake bakery, Messy Aprons would have it in the bag… In Johnson Creek, WI, the plan to build a turkey-shaped theater is in the works. Will they also feature turkey legs, hot turkey sandwiches, popcorn popped in turkey fat, and giblet ice cream at the concessions stand?… Have you ever noticed on every news anchor’s bio it says, “An Emmy Award winning journalist…” How many of those things do they hand out? Like handfuls of condoms on Ivy League campuses. I think people just write that in and nobody bothers to Snopes it… Bay Magazine printed an article, “Help Your Guests Plan a Day Trip to One of these Unique Florida attractions,” I can only imagine it led with a step-by-step guide on the proper use of a colostomy bag with average wait times so long you forget what attraction you are waiting for…Olive Garden is seemingly, at least on the surface, blazing new trails by offering smaller portion sizes. This is a huge win in the battle against the morbid obesity crisis in the US. They said that the price will be less than the larger portion. That is good. My question is will it stay that way or will they be like everyone else - AT&T, Charter, Netflix, etc. - and slowly start jacking up the price, a few bucks here, a few there until you are paying the old larger portion price for new less portion size. To be a fly on the wall of that clever marketing and financial “strategy session”… We will keep our eye on this one… The ETSU baseball team toughed out another win, 4-3 against a determined VMI team in chilly mountain conditions. Over the past three years ETSU has sent 3 players to the Major Leagues. As of August 2025, ETSU has had 45 players drafted into the MLB. Had I been able to hit as a young player on Pidgeon’s Plumbing and Heating, maybe I could have been number 46… We present it, you decide…