On The Beat- Monday, August 3, 2026 - From Broadway to Biscayne Boulevard, from the Bird Streets to Euclid Avenue to Lark Street- Any Topic is Fair Game Until it is a Bore…
By Mr. Curmudgeon
Spain conquered by the Moors, again… Romo suspended by CBS after DUI charge. The Beatles were right, money can’t buy you love. But it can buy a designated driver… Obese 350-lb. teacher loses teaching license after using a student as a step stool. Critics of fat men using children as step stools also call for a lifetime ban from McDonald’s… Tax-free weekend in Tennessee. Don’t worry, you’ll pay in other ways you won’t see… Platypus fur glows blue green under UV light. So does Mamdani’s beard… Ohio man murdered while solo camping in Puerto Rico. Puerto Rican officials blame the Iranians… Iranian hackers accused of tampering with Minnesota water supply. Iranians blame the Puerto Ricans… Researchers capture bird thought lost to history 140 years ago, and eat it with Memphis dry rub… Dodgers land Tarik Skubal in a landmark trade of the season. Yankees put in an offer to the Tigers- Skubal for Brian Cashman and a Skeeter Shelton bobblehead… Jonesborough, TN, arguably the most charming town in the state to be the setting of a new feature film. The votes are in- fans and critics alike want me and Madelyn Cline to play the leads as lovestruck country folk… Spain’s Prime Minister blames the side effects of artificial colorings and flavorings for Moorish conquest of Cuenta… UFO sighting in Troy, NY, on July 22nd, said to be, by surreptitious men in dark suits, a rogue weather balloon… Multiple sightings of a dead gigantic werewolf on a country road in Sand Lake, NY, drums up alarm. Officials write it off as a large coyot’. Um hmm… Dodgers pick up, no surprise here, ace pitcher Skubal from the Tigers, and nobody in Vegas made any money… The MLB trade deadline has arrived. Yankees picked up Luis Garcia Jr., .283 hitter from the Nationals for four right-handed pitchers. But who is on the chopping block- Chisholm, Mcmahon, Rosario, Caballero?… An article in the post lists the state with the most serial killers per capita. Wyoming. It’s genius. How do you keep the psychotic masses from moving to your state like they are doing in Florida, Texas, North Carolina, and East Tennessee? “Uh, we have a whole heaping ton of serial killers in our state. Sincerely, governor of Wyoming.”… Naked weirdo leaps from the Brooklyn Bridge. Not sure what happened to him. Not sure I care… Starbucks CEO says some US stores could close. That’s what happens when you charge $7 for a cup of coffee… Red Sox are filling their roster, which now includes catcher Rutschman, and I fear they will be a serious playoff contender. This disappoints me greatly… Luis Garcia Jr., debuts at Yankee stadium going yard. What a way to start his tenure with the Yanks!… We present it. You decide…