What is Happening? The Knicks Fall at the Garden. Weird Things Happen on Full Moons. Must have Been a Full Moon Somewhere in the World

By Greg Evans

I was looking out my window last night, scanning the purple darkness to see if the planet was finally being taken over by cannibal space nerds. The Yankees vs. Guardians game was on FS1, which means, maybe, 12 people in the universe got to watch the game, and they are all on some space station because the game was only broadcast on Mars. The Knicks looked shaky, with flashes of brilliance. The officiating in the NBA Finals has been horrible. The San Antonio Spurs are the dirtiest team in NBA Finals history. Especially Wemby and Kornet. It is like watching an episode of Locked Up Pelican Bay.

May you live in interesting times. Because these are some weird, weird times. The average ticket to the game last night at Madison Square Garden was $10,000. There is nothing holding that up but rotten air and disappointment. I’m in a bad mood today. I couldn’t watch the Yankee game because I was blacked out. We have like 40 streaming channels, and still got blacked out. I was so amped for the Knicks game all day it was hard to concentrate, and I was busy. Couldn’t wait. It was finally getting close to tip-off. I tuned in early to watch the festivities and excitement at the garden. For a while, I wished I was there… But that sentiment changed. The Knicks started the game sloppy. I don’t like sloppy. I tried not to let that get to me. I didn’t yell yet. They finished the first half strong, and I was pumped, and cheering, and eating crappy food. By this point, I was in good spirits. The second half rolls around. The mood shifts. The dark portal opens. The Knicks are getting sucked into it. Turnovers. Bad fouls, most of which weren’t even real fouls. No shots falling. More turnovers. One-on-one, half-court street ball. Not working. I am yelling and cursing. Sweet creeping Geezus! They couldn’t hit the side of an outhouse with a fat turd (pardon the vulgarity). The officials were horrendous and should never be allowed to officiate a finals series ever again. Sorry, Marc, but no official from Chicago should ever be allowed to officiate a Knicks game. If I were going to place a bet on it, I’d put my money down that he hated the Knicks growing up, and it has carried on into adulthood. I’m not accusing him of intentionally making funky calls in favor of the Spurs, but subconsciously, it was obvious from the start that he had some aversion when it came to Jalen Brunson. Not sure what that was all about. And then, after the game was over, Mike Brown got up in the press conference and started complaining about the lopsided officiating. It was lopsided. He was right. But there is a time and a place to play that hand, and that wasn’t it. He should have been talking about the sloppy play and the inability of the Knicks players to hit ANYTHING in the second half.

Then, on top of it all, you have all the riff-raff out in the street, burning things and causing trouble. That would never happen in my city. Those ill-bred youth would be shipped off to labor gulags in Alaska for no less than a year of hard work, discipline, scheduled meals and bedtimes, and no fun. And there would be no denying it, since it was all caught on camera. I saw the videos. I was appalled. There is no place for degeneracy in sports. Absolutely unacceptable.

Knick fans were beside themselves. And many of them were drunk. Losing or winning and alcohol tend to be a bad combination, but worse when you lose like this. That sleazy team from San Antonio should never have been allowed to win a single game in this series, especially at Madison Square Garden. Now, I said “sleazy,” not “skillfully bad.” The Spurs are a good basketball team in terms of playing as a team and hitting their shots, but they are cheap thugs and don’t deserve the title of Champion. 

Apparently, this is the first NBA Finals that hasn’t had a home game win, within the first three games, since 1993. If you have been living under a rock and still made it this far in the article, the Knicks took the first two games in San Antonio, in, shall we say, impressive fashion, both times coming back from double digits to win. That’s a bad habit to get into, like eating carbs or desserts late at night.

Last night, the broadcasters got too excited when it became evident that San Antonio was most likely going to win. I had to mute them. They weren’t the only ones either- all day long, talking heads were betting on the Spurs. Everyone’s obsession with Wemby is sordid, and he isn’t even the best player on that team. For the record, I am not a Wemby fan at all. Not that anybody cares. And even less, a San Antonio fan. Nor do I like Castle’s flexing or Kornet’s Bill Lambieer pose. I don’t like Fox’s clumsy swagger, or Mitch Johnson looking the other way when his team plays dirty. I’m not just being hateful because the Knicks lost. It just happened to be the trigger.

I don’t like being critical of the teams I support. But, I guess I am just tired of being disappointed, year after year after year after year after year. This title is the Knicks to be won, but it’s got to happen out there on the hard floor, and they just gave up a leg. A leg the size of Alonzo Mourning.

Charles Barkley is under fire for questioning the size of Cardi B’s breasts, saying, “I don’t know if those B’s.” I think he meant to say, “I don’t know if those are B’s.” The point isn’t his grammar, but instead, why does the NBA even have her as their act? Is there nobody better? Is there no performer or band that is more appropriate for a basketball game performance? How about Billy Joel or Alicia Keys? Come on now. This isn’t the Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale.

Tomorrow night, we have game four, and the fans are expecting the Knicks to come out furious and keep that intensity for every single second of the game. And if anyone can’t do it, put in someone who can. But I get the feeling the Knicks are going to be fired up. They are going to come out with a suffocating defense. There will be no more layups. There will be no more offensive rebound dunks or small putups. They are going to run the Spurs off the floor, working the ball around and hitting their shots like they did during their thirteen-game winning streak. That loss was a fluke. That loss can’t happen again. I can’t wait for this next game!!