The Zen of Blackpink

By The Lampoon Staff

SEOUL - Sensual and seductive, bubbly, and blithesome, South Korean supergroup Blackpink consisting of Lisa, Jennie, Jisoo, and Rosé have what we at the Lampoon consider to be perfect symmetry for a girl group, and a musical golden ratio effect, that attracts a loyal following of millions if not tens of millions of “Blinks.” The Lampoon Staff included.

In fact, we recently went to a show at Citi Field in Flushing, Queens, New York. It was energetic. It was sexy. It was hypnotizing. Despite the fact that Flushing is comparable to Mogadishu in the early 1990s, it was worth going. Our lives were only threatened six times.

These twenty-year-old pop tarts with the voices of my future wives, and potential ex-wives (once they find out about each other), performed dance moves of terpsichore, sang to every member of the 60,000-person audience, personally, (at least it felt that way watching the big screen since we were so far away, I mistaken them for four quixotic ants), and captivated us with the beauty of Nefertiti on a good hair day. The group is credited with effectively curing more ED than Eli Lilly and Company.

If you don’t know, the zen teachings I speak of derive from the doctrines of a variety of ancient sources, including lyric sheets and behind the music videographies.

The girls did not immediately respond to my request for a date.