The Most Expensive Plate of Spaghetti in the World - Let’s Di$$ect It
By Greg Evans
There is a restaurant in NYC where they offer spaghetti at $2,000 a plate. For some, like 20-something-year-old software developers that might seem like a sweet bargain considering a banana taped to drywall will run you a mere $6.2 million dollars, but for the average person used to spending $35 for a medium cheese pizza with no toppings…, $2,000 for spaghetti for you and the missus on date night, plus appetizers and a bottle of wine can get those palms sweating, and that credit score dropping a few points.
So, what exactly goes into this dish that can generate such a high price tag?
Lobster - This sea creature, once referred to as the poor man’s food, today is the quintessential definition of fine dining cuisine. Despite what people say, lobsters’ expensive price comes down to regulatory harvesting restrictions most likely because people are psychotic and would hunt them to extinction because that is what people do. So, this is a man-made cost. That is all that makes them special. Without the accompaniment of full-fat butter, is a lobster anywhere near, in comparison, to a fat plump slab of salmon or three dozen chilled oysters on the half shell when it comes to a satisfying seafood meal? Not even in the ballpark. It’s a preference thing though, and I think some people just order lobster because it is expensive. The poaching and treatment of lobsters is a sad, unethical, and yet accepted state of affairs. What a poor life these lobsters live, swimming around dirty, claustrophobic tanks with giddy humans gawking and pointing at them and they can’t even reach up and tear off the fake nose of the fake blond with fake busoms because of thick rubber bands on their claws. And to top it off you (the lobster in question) gets to be boiled alive.
Truffles - A truffle is nothing more than a fungus, a mushroom. But according to food geeks they aren’t just any ordinary mushroom, they are seasonal, difficult to grow and take a long time to mature. They only thrive in specific areas and once harvested they spoil quickly therefore making them “rare,” and as with anything with “rare” attached to it, you can charge exorbitant prices and get away with it. According to some reports, Wikipedia, these edibles that resemble skat, can go for $2,000 euros per kilogram translating to $2,239.89 per 2.205 pounds and that is before the fancy restaurants get their greedy little hands on them. I call restaurant owners greedy like that is some kind of sin, but if people are willing to pay, why not?
Truffles are an acquired taste. Some people find them delightful, earthy and aromatic, with a bitter and slightly peppery flavor once cooked that is to die for, while others not so much and would prefer a smash burger from Sonic. Humans have been enjoying truffles since their spacecraft crashed to earth in 4,000 B.C in the “Mecca” of truffle cultivation, Sarrión.
Caviar - The favorite meal of Tsar Nicholas II, caviar are the eggs of the wild surgeon, an endangered species because people hunted them to near extinction because people are psychotic. Due then to their “man-made” rareness, they became expensive, much like the lobster. If you like sea-salty food they are palatable, at least on a cracker, but other than their high cost due to human mis-behavior, that’s about as special as it gets.
Gold leaf - Not sure exactly what kind rush people get from consuming a heavy metal, but gold has always been considered rare because it is rare. In fact, it is rare throughout the entire universe. This is because, gold has special properties that are nearly impossible for nature to create. Gold consists of 79 protons and 118 neutrons. Even in the intense heat and pressure of the “chemical forges” from the supernovae and neutron star merging the production of gold is rare and might not even occur. Supernovae and neutron star merges are part of the dying phase of stars. Imagine that, gold is created by the deaths of giant stars. Now you know why people want to eat this stuff, it’s practically magical and older than you can fathom. Interestingly, if gold isn’t formed, neutron star merges can also result in the formation of a black hole. Blackholes and gold are both the consequence of two of the ways stars end their lives. Chew on that fat for while.
Don’t think you are the first to have gold fever. It has been part of the human condition forever. The Spanish conquistadors in South America and the Aztecs, Mayans, and Incanas before them, Custer traipsing through the black hills, you ordering a $2,000 plate of spaghetti for your date hoping to get lucky. It is what it is.
Spaghetti noodles - At $3.68 a pound in the grocery store I do think the cost of spaghetti has become somewhat outrageous. And for this I am horrified.
In conclusion, smoke and mirrors friends. Powerful people in dark surreptitious penthouse office suites with views worth more than the lives of three generations of your family are marketing and businesses geniuses suckering you into shelling out your bi-weekly paycheck for a polished, glossy, edible dopamine high. Don’t forget, spending money and feeling important is a high like crack. It’s a fascinating world we live in if you are willing to take a step back and stop trying to keep up.