Rioters in France Burn Landmarks and Loot Businesses After Skattebo gets Benched

By Fionn mac Cumhaill

French citizens burn France to the ground after word got out of Cam Skattebo’s benching due to four fumbles in five games.

We met up with an office assistant of Coach Harbaugh, who we’ll call Johnny

“What’s going on Johnny? Why is Skattebo benched? Fans aren’t paying to see Harbaugh pacing the sidelines and making rash decisions? If we wanted to go to a museum and look at dinosaurs we’d go to the Smithsonian.”

“What? What are talking about? Skat has four fumbles in five games!”

“Skat? What are you, on texting terms with him now? Ride shotty in that lifted massive black Ford behemoth?”

“Shut up.”

“That punishment is bogus. We want the ball in his hands. Do something harsh like make him drive to the stadium in a Prius, wearing tight pink golf shirt and kakis with saddle shows. No beard, no mullet. Once he does five games with non fumbles he can go back to sweat pants and 1987 Reebok BB4600 sneakers. Booyah!”

“Never gonna happen.”

“You guys are soft.”

“Let France burn.”

“Its blood on your hands, Johnny.”

“You want to see blood on my hands, Fionn? Huh? I’m a Jujitsu master. I’ll take you down, Cumhaill. Drink that puddle water!”

“You couldn’t get me down if I had two tooth picks for arms.”

“Owwwwwweeeeeeeeyyyaaaa!” Johnny shrieked. “I have work to do. You can see yourself out.”

“What about France?”

Johnny looked with a deadpan stare, “Who cares?”