On The Beat- Tuesday, March 31, 2026 - From Broadway to Biscayne Boulevard, from the Bird Streets to Euclid Avenue to Lark Street- Any Topic is Fair Game Until it is a Bore…

By Mr. Curmudgeon

A Vegas showgirl, Maren Flagg, who nobody has ever heard of, is suing Taylor Swift for copyright infringement for the title of Swift’s album, “Life as a Showgirl”. If you get too big, too popular, too rich, someone who isn’t as smart or talented, or hard working, or as lucky, or a combination them, will come along and sue you to try and get money for nothing…It’s human nature… The incensed party’s stage name is Maren Wade, which is the most boring showgirl name in the history of Sin City. Just for that, if I was a judge, I’d toss the case…Three rather tough-looking women were dragged out of Miami International Airport and arrested for crashing past the airport ticket reps and rushing onto a Philadelphia-bound flight after refusing to pay the extra baggage fee for a second piece of luggage. We all know airports are greedy with horrible service and nobody likes paying that filthy fee, even if you can afford it, it’s the principle of it, but did it ever cross these women’s mind, that in today’s day and age, storming a plane might reward you with a stint in the big house?…just saying… Iranians in Memphis say, “The bombs do not scare us”…I’d imagine they don’t while you are here, safe, on US of A soil. Contrary to the fluff you might read, it is a pretty safe place to be. As I sit here in Uptown Charlotte, waiting with Em to enter the Spectrum Arena for the Twice concert, I think to myself, that I too, at this moment, am not particularly scared of being pink-misted. My feelings would be different if I was reporting from a base in say, Saudi Arabia, who permits Iran to send drone bombs to try and blowup everybody up… Speaking of Tennessee, the Mayor of Arlington, TN, not Texas, was cited for shoplifting $70 shorts which he says was an “unfortunate misunderstanding”. It’s always an unfortunate misunderstanding when you get caught. I blame social media for the fact that small town politicians think the rules of Washington apply to them… The Doucleff family, after learning about the 20-year old in Los Angeles that won serious cheddar from that sleazy case against Meta and Google, have gone to the press with their own screen-time “horror story” of how their 7-year daughter, Rosy, is addicted to the dopamine high of endless scrolling. When her screen was taken away, she curled up under desk in a fetal position and whimpered for fifteen whole minutes…I image now they will want compensation…I need a drink…I blame Guinness for turning me into a raging alcoholic…that dopamine high from the booze suffocating my brain is too addictive and if I don’t get my nitrogen-infused draught I will curl up on the couch in front of a Yankee game with a bowl of salt & vinegar chips, maybe some taquitos and queso dip, and whimper until a court gives me $300 million compensation in damages…It’s a sick world we live in, and somebody has to get paid for it… “Hottest” grandmother recognition given to a California lady…who it turns out is 38…Somebody needs to sit down with the women in that family and explain how the birds and the bees work… A parking lot in downtown Miami was voted to become a new Presidential library site. Finally there is some meaningful construction going on somewhere in the country that isn’t overpriced condos, homogenous sub-divisions, hideous apartment buildings, or chemical factories…I swear that I am not a bitter person… At the base of the Aspen Highlands Ski Resort, in front of the Highlands Alehouse, witnesses were baffled by a coterie of wizards…Turns out it was Highlands closing day two weeks earlier than scheduled due to poor snow conditions, “as you observe the Maroon Bells on dirt as opposed to fresh powder”… I like the oddity of it all, but I still don’t get the wizards…Rick Pitino signs a new deal with St. Johns through the 2029-30 season. Unless you were born under a rock, you know how this is going to play out…Same ole story…University pays a giganticus salary, with a “payout” guarantee that if said coach is fired early for not performing up to par, he gets some outrageous “suck” bonus in the tens of millions of dollars… Commandment along with Renegade secures top spot in the Kentucky Derby…I don’t know, Em and I might have to make a pilgrimage to Churchill Downs to watch this epic matchup live… Florida Gators 7’9” center, Oliver Rioux, announced on social media that he is going into the transfer portal…Reports out of Gainesville is that he wants to join the ETSU Buccaneers… Ok, maybe I made that part up…just putting it out there in the universe… Amanda Batula and West Wilson of Summer house apparently announce on a shared instagram post that they hooked up. West was intimately connected to Ciara Miller who was Amanda’s best friend…Betrayal, infidelity, everything you’d expect out of the Hamptons… There is an advice column called Asking Eric, and a woman writes in and says that her boyfriend is acting weird about her going on a group trip with her ex…that in itself is not particularly odd, most guys would not be thrilled about that, especially if alcohol is going to be involved because as anyone who has ever drank too much at a party can say, alcohol lowers inhibitions and makes people flirty, and things happen. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, we were drinking and one thing lead to another and I found myself upside on Johnny’s carpet, can you not make such a big deal out of it…?” My advice to the girl would be to tell her boyfriend to stop acting like a beta male. If this is secretly the boyfriend writing, I’d tell him to stop it!! Stop it right now! The fact that she knows you are uncomfortable is a bad look. At least pretend you don’t care like you have other options out there, though if you are a beta male you probably don’t. If she hooks up with the ex, ‘eh, now you know, and better you know before the ring got put on, bubba. Get over yourself. Go meet someone at a church instead of a bar, or worse, the workplace this time around…We present it, you decide…