On The Beat- Thursday, April 2, 2026 - From Broadway to Biscayne Boulevard, from the Bird Streets to Euclid Avenue to Lark Street- Any Topic is Fair Game Until it is a Bore…

By Mr. Curmudgeon

Kristi Noem’s husband’s crossing-dressing scandal leaves a trail of questions and devil-talk speculation, such as, does he also have a basement full of moths…Noem’s alleged lover, Corey Lewdanowski, is standing trimmed and tanned beside her during this time of sour humiliation which adds a layer of shame in the wake of her recent firing. It’s long been speculated, under the red light of suspicion, that Noem and Lewdanowski have been engaged in the hot and heavy throes of an illicit dalliance, despite their denials of any whoopi being cushioned. Obviously, the trouble at home went far deeper than cutting on the counter without a board. Something is rotten in the State of South Dakota…Fans of the show survivor were mad as a south paw in a scissor factory, as the President’s speech on Iran cut into the episode forcing it to be delayed, though the salty fans are often griping about something - such as the backlash from players losing their vote based on luck instead of skill, or the “new era format” is too comfortable compared to earlier grittier seasons, or the dragon’s wrath they have with producers of the 50th season who fans complain prioritize celebrities over beloved genuine contestants - I wonder if enraged fans will soon burn Philadelphia to the ground, just because…Rapper J. Cole has signed a basketball contract to play for the Nanjing Monkey Kings of the Chinese Basketball Association. This will be his third attempt at international pro ball, previously playing on teams in Rwanda and Canada. I too am considering giving pro ball another shot despite unconvincingly not making the cut during my 1997-98 tryouts for the Manhattan College Jaspers. They went 12-17 that year. Must I digress…China’s first mass production of automated humanoid robots has begun in Schenzen. The production line can produce one humanoid robot every 30 min. My prediction last week, that there will be more robots on earth than humans in the near future, still stands. Word on the stoop is that there were so many orders for “red heads,” the system temporarily crashed, though conjecture is as fleeting as a Broadway crush…Public.com unveiled software where artificial intelligence will manage the stock portfolios of average retail investors, until the robots start stealing your money to fund their war against the humans. Alea iacta est…There is a rumor floating around that the Yankees and Pirates are quietly working out a deal that would put Paul Skenes in pinstripes. There is nothing to collaborate this but a little smoke, but like they say, where there is smoke, there is AI malfunctioning…In Germany 50 sheep storm a supermarket with no regard for the consequences…In a video that seemed like AI, an actual brushtail possum sent terrified airline pax at Hobart Airport, Tasmania, including burly men, leaping and shrieking onto seats, before a brave stewardess captured the mischievous little fluff ball in a blanket or coat…Blackpink’s Lisa Manobal launches Las Vegas Residency called “Viva La Lisa” at the Colosseum at Caesars Palace. In her home country of Thailand, the Tourism Authority of Thailand appointed her “Amazing Thailand Ambassador.” The K-pop tart recently turned 29 in a pearl-studded bikini, surrounded by friends and family. My invitation got lost in the mail, it happens, it was no big deal. But I was there in spirit…Hershey Company got caught using cheap ingredients and says that by 2027, it will no longer use the “chocolate coating” and will go back to using real chocolate. Hershey’s fake chocolate was a compound coating made from “you probably don’t want to know,” which was a cheaper alternative, to make more money by treating your children with a “cheaper alternative”. More money must be had. Kirk Tanner’s (CEO of Hershey) total compensation in 2025 was $17.58 million. A poor fellow, it seems, in a world of billionaires… The odds for the Kentucky Derby (Saturday May 2nd) are as follows: Renegade is 4-1, Commandment 6-1, Chief Wallabee 7-1, The Puma 8-1, Fulleffort 12-1, Emerging Market 15-1, Iron Honor 18-1, Stark Contrast 25-1, Potente 30-1, Silent Tactic 50-1, Golden Tempo 50-1, Class President 50-1, Wonder Dean 50-1, Pavlovian 50-1, Danon Bourbon 50-1, Incredibolt 91-1, Grittiness 100-1, Six Speed 100-1, Chip Hocho 200-1, Universe 200-1, talk about high voltage fork into a socket body buzz… A federal judge found that Wellington developer, Glenn Straub, and his attorney, forged corporate operating agreements and meeting minutes in a failed attempt to steal ownership of the Miss America organization from current CEO/Owner Robin Fleming. The judge saw it as a low-bridge cheap scam job and also required Straub and the attorney to pay Fleming’s lawyer…There might be some roast beef starting to cook between Pat McAfee and Troy Aikman, as McAfee voices publicly his confusion over the struggles of booking Aikman on his program…Florida judge approves Tiger Woods’ request to seek inpatient treatment abroad. We can speculate this decision was based on the intense media scrutiny here in the states. Woods also declined to take on the roll of captain for the 2027 Ryder Cup Team. Maybe Tiger should follow in the footsteps of Michael Jordan and go all in on a NASCAR team or buy a race horse and try to compete in the Kentucky Derby to feed that addictive personality a fresh meal…Did you know that Ben Affleck has an AI firm called “Interpositive”?… Meghan Thee Stallion was released from the hospital after suffering from extreme exhaustion and dehydration. Back in the 1990s we used to call that having a “head like a bag of chisels”… Shortly after Artemis II’s launching, the fan in the Waste Management System failed, but luckily Mission Control helped them troubleshoot the problem. Talk about the misery of a 10-day mission without a fan in the John, there would have been some serious PTSD therapy after that mission…McDonald’s launched a limited edition K-pop Demon Hunters Happy Meal. Em and I were just at a K-pop concert for the group Twice on Tuesday night in Charlotte. It was a great show. We’ve been to a lot of K-pop shows and not one bad one yet. I still don’t think I have all my hearing back yet. This show may have been the loudest thus far. How can teenage girls and even more surprisingly the boys scream at such fevered decimals?… Sharon Stone revealed who she believes is the best kisser in Hollywood, “he kissed me out of my shoes,” she said. I was already shaking hands with people before being informed that no, it was not me, but instead, De Niro. You can imagine my alarm. Well, Ms. Stone, challenge accepted… The TSA announced that all passengers traveling through U.S. airports will soon be required to use clear carry on bags, as if that was really the problem all along…I thought it was a joke, but the Kansas City Chiefs are leaving Missouri for the greener grass in Kansas…Jenny McCarthy goes on the record insisting Jim Carrey wasn’t replaced by a clone. The rest of us are still left with many questions, such as was the real Jim Carrey beamed up and taken away by aliens… The Mayweather vs. Pacquiao fight is still a go, but Mayweather wants it to be an “exhibition” fight, while Pacquiao insists it should count as a professional fight. I agree with Pacquiao on this one. Either fight for real or hang up the gloves. Watching that Paul vs. Tyson debacle was painful enough for the sport…A rock climber fell 30 feet in North Cheyenne Canon Park, CO. I guess I’ll never understand the thrill people get from scaling a rock wall. As much ayem as swimming with sharks… Guy Fieri purchased the famed State Street Brats in Madison, WI. Not to be a pessimist but I wonder if the $10 hamburgers will now be $20? How much more expensive can food and drinks get in restaurants and events before it all comes crashing down?… An 8-year old boy supposedly designed a ‘zero gravity indicator’ that is being used in the Artemis II moon mission. Maybe he also should have designed the ventilation system for the restroom… In southern California, we suspect the mass exodus of people is emboldening the rattlesnake community with a spike in terrifying run-ins on the rise. Scientists argue it is due to unseasonably warm weather. But it’s Southern California, it’s always warm there. I know, I used to live there… Lebron James trashes on Memphis “You think I want to do sh** in Memphis on a Thursday night,” he said, calling for the Grizzlies to relocate to Nashville. “They even have a hockey team there, don’t they?” He said. Uh, yeah, they are called the Predators. What a weird thing not to know. Anyway, Grizzlies reporter Jessica Benson fought back telling James she will build him an itinerary next time he is in town, is a gun with extra ammo included in that? Womp, womp… A Waymo was seen driving the wrong way in a school zone in Alamo Heights in San Antonio, TX. Waymo insists that in over 56 million miles covered, their vehicles have a 92% lower rate of injury causing crashes with pedestrians compared to human drivers…Haruki Murakami, my favorite contemporary writer, has a story, “Super-Frog Saves Tokyo” coming out this month in an anthology called “The Penguin Book of the International Short Story”… The NBA might as well do away with defensive player of the year recognition as what passes for defense can only be described as heavy petting… We present it, you decide…