Eskimo Camping at Lake Erie
By Greg Evans
I sat in a parked car and looked out across the water of beautiful Lake Erie, behind me, the glittering city of Cleveland. It was quiet. The sun shining and the water only gentle frigid ripples. There wasn't much of a breeze, though when some hit you, it cut straight to the bone. There were no boats on the water and far off in the distance just gliding birds. I looked at the shoreline and a thin strip of snow-covered beach leading to a dock.
Here in Cleveland when it gets cold enough, you can camp out on frozen Lake Erie, in a tent or why not an igloo, like an urban Eskimo. I have never been camping. Not in a tent anyway, nor an igloo. I don’t know if that is weird or not, but I find most people are shocked. I guess I come across as a rugged outdoors kind of guy. The quintessential mountain man; hardly. The thought of sleeping on the cold, possibly wet or frozen ground, in the middle of mosquito and bear-infested woods or on a snowflake-swirling lake, having to use the restroom two trees over, or in a hole in the ice, was just never appealing to me.
But at the same time, it wasn’t for a lack of wishing that it was appealing to me. I like the idea of roughing it out in the woods, hacking down small trees for logs, collecting kindling, and building a bonfire to roast the wieners and slabs of steak. I picture us sitting around the fire, using tree stumps as chairs, rubbing sticks together to keep the fire lit. But there are mega stores that exist strictly for camping gear. I started researching the camping experience and what accessories were required.
First and foremost, you need a tent, and stakes to keep it from blowing away. How about waterproof sleeping bags and a “camping pillow?” Headlamps, flashlights, camp chairs, a camp table, lanterns, a clothesline, tarps, and a cooler. That is a lot of stuff. I have stayed in hotels with less.
Suddenly it seems complicated and moderately overwhelming. I never thought of camping requiring such attention to detail. I have always associated hardship and scarcity with camping. The esoteric simplicity and becoming one with the woods, connecting with your spiritual self, experiencing some kind of nirvana, that had all been lost on me during those invitations by well-meaning friends.
My utter refusal to camp has always been a mental barrier, nothing more. A phobia? Perhaps, but it is more a phobia I think of discomfort than actually being eaten by a marauding pack of coyotes, a bobcat, or an angry and starving mother bear.
I have elucidated that if I go camping, I am bringing a canister of Counter Assault Bear Spray, that is, by the way, legal to carry, open or concealed, in the state of Ohio. Experienced campers usually just laugh at me when I speak such balderdash. “First of all,” they say, “it is too cumbersome to lug into the woods, and secondly, you are an idiot.” Point taken. But after much coaxing and belittlement, I am seriously considering giving outdoor Eskimo camping a try for one night, unarmed. I think I can survive a single night out in the woods with no running water, restroom, or a comfortable bed, coffee pot, a newspaper delivered promptly at dawn, soft sheets and a freshly fluffed pillow, widows with screens and a door with an actual lock on it, buffet breakfast, heat and/or air-conditioning, electricity, a shower, the protection of a powerful firearm, and ice.
“And what about all the food we bring? It will surely attract wild animals like gigantic bears?” I ask. The experienced camper will only scoff and respond with, “You hang the food in trees nearby so animals can’t get it.”
But in my head, that makes no sense because if the meat they want is up in the trees out of reach, they will go after the available meat, which is soundly asleep in fabric tents, secured by plastic zippers.
Maybe I will step out of my comfort zone, and “actually” camp, without complaining and with our tent is within proximity of a well-lit house.
Originally published on Feb. 18, 2022
The Plain Dealer / www.cleveland.com
https://www.cleveland.com/opinion/2022/02/eskimo-camping-at-lake-erie-greg-evans.html?outputType=amp